Self-Therapy is Free

I had a conversation with my best friend from college last night. Hearing from him was wonderful, because sometimes I worry that everyone back east has forgotten about me since we graduated. But some of the things he mentioned stuck with me.

They are all living in New York City together, but he began to confess to me that none of them are really happy. They are tired, bored, overworked. They want to leave. He is applying to grad schools in the Midwest. The Midwest! Who goes from NYC to the Midwest? But for him, that was his dream. And it made me wonder: is there such thing as a 20-something individual that is content with where they live and what they do?

I have been miserable in Tucson. But he said to me, "I'm so happy you are livin' it up and having an amazing time down there." And I didn't argue, because I wanted him to think it was true. And that's what I strive for every time I'm on Facebook and post pictures and statuses of only awesome and beautiful things. And they do the same. And yet deep down, we are both envious of each other.

What will make us happy?

Will moving to San Francisco fix everything? Will I finally love my life? Will I be proud of myself? Will I feel independent?

I don't know anymore.

All I know is that I have to try.

You have to take leaps. You have to fall backwards into a crowd. If you aren't happy somewhere, then you change it. You just change it. You chase satisfaction. You chase what you think will help you. And if you get there and realize it was a mistake? Whatever. Play it out, see how it goes. Worst case scenario, you move back home into the arms of your family. And then you just try again.

Because we're young. We are given these precious 10 years to fuck around and figure out what we want. After talking to Kevin, I learned that there is not a single one of us that is completely happy and that is where they want to be for the rest of their lives. It is rare for a person at 32 to be where they were when they were 22.

There is a negative, desperate, and scared part of me that says I have a supportive family so I should just try to stay near them. But there is an adventurous and opportunistic part of me that says I have a supportive family so I should take the plunge knowing that if I begin to drown, I will have them to help me. But relying on parents while you live down the street does a lot more emotional damage then relying on them when you are making a life for yourself in a crazy random city that you just might end up falling in love with.

So get that craigslist roommate. Get that job that pays shit but feels good. If you have the slightest hunch that it will be what makes you happy, DO IT. Otherwise you will always wonder if that would've been the better road to take when you hit that fork.

I'm 24. I'm single. I am smart and nice. I have no reason not to just try. Last time I took a leap was when I decided to go to school on the other end of the country. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

And if everything turns to shit, I'll have my dog.